As a daughter and granddaughter of high risk loved ones, this pandemic hits close.
As a mom of elementary school kids, the homeschooling vortex hits even closer.
As a mom of a 5 week old, the unknown is just very scary.
But,
As an Emergency Medicine resident, the COVID-19 pandemic hits really hard too. Maybe even the hardest.

But yet, I’m not there. I’m not in the trenches. I’m not wearing a bandana because there are no more masks. I’m not donning and doffing. Sure, I listen to the podcasts, attend the ZOOM meetings and conferences, but with audio and video off, in pajamas, while also nursing and now virtual homeschooling, in the comfort of my home.

Friends and family reached out with different sentiments that range from ” you are so lucky you are still on maternity leave” to ” do you feel bad that you are missing out?” I don’t know how to answer, other than “please just do your part and stay home.”

I’m not sure how I feel right now. Not sure how I want to feel, honestly.  I know I want to protect my nuclear family, stay safe, and keep everyone- from husband to big kids to infant- safe and exposure free. But I’m conflicted about my residency family, my colleagues on the front line. I know I need my time to rest, recover, and take care of myself and my own family right now, but my heart is torn. I’m also scared to go back.

As a physician, we dedicate our lives to helping others, hopefully saving some lives and making a difference. Throughout our training, we sacrifice time with our families, missing out on events, celebrations, quality time. Our priorities are constantly challenged; being a mother makes those challenges at times more acute.

So many thanks, and prayers of strength to all of you out there, fighting this on the daily. Please stay safe. Please know you are appreciated.