When a loved one passes away, having the chance to say one last goodbye, get one last look at them, or to give them one last kiss, is an important step in the grieving process. For many, having the opportunity to give a proper funeral and burial to honor the life of the person they lost is a crucial part of bereavement.

The COVID-19 pandemic, however, has robbed thousands of families of the chance to say their final goodbyes. With some entire countries on complete lock-down, families are unable to host funerals, and are unable to be with their loved one when they pass, leaving them with no opportunity for closure.

“This Pandemic Kills Twice”

Andrea Cerato is an undertaker at a funeral home in Milan, Italy, one of the areas in the world that has been hit the hardest by the coronavirus. Over the last several weeks, he has witnessed the devastating impact the virus is having on both the patient and their family.

“First, it isolates you from your loved ones right before you die. Then, it doesn’t allow anyone to get closure,” he said. “Families are devastated and find it hard to accept.” [1]

Italy has the highest death toll from the coronavirus out of any nation in the world, with the total deaths reaching nearly seven thousand as of March 25 [2]. 

The victims of the virus are dying in hospitals without their families around them since they are all in mandatory quarantine and hospital visits are forbidden. Experts have determined that the virus cannot be transmitted once a person has died, however, it can survive on clothing for a few hours, so corpses have to be sealed away immediately. 

IL DIRITTO DI DIRSI ADDIOI miei contatti qui sanno che posto raramente. Ma per una volta vi chiedo di prendervi pochi…

Posted by Lorenzo Musotto on Thursday, March 26, 2020

For this reason, instead of being buried in their best or favorite clothes, they are buried in a hospital gown, and their families have no way of seeing them one last time before they are buried.

Massimo Mancastroppa, an undertaker in Cremona, is doing what he can to give the deceased patient some dignity.

“We put the clothes the family gives us on top of the corpse, as if they were dressed,” he says. “A shirt on top, a skirt below.” [1]

Families of the deceased have no choice but to trust people like Mancastroppa and Cerato, who have to take on all of the responsibility for them since they cannot be there to make decisions about the proceedings. 

Cerato, whose role is usually to try to ease the suffering of the family as best as he can, is now hopelessly incapable of doing so, a fact that he finds incredibly distressing.

“We can’t dress them up, we can’t brush their hair, we can’t put makeup on them. We can’t make them look nice and peaceful. It is very sad.” [1]

Being unable to get one last look at their loved one and say a proper goodbye is extremely traumatic for many, who often have to speak with the undertaker on either side of a closed door. Relatives want to pass on notes, family heirlooms, drawings, or poems to be buried with the person they loved- their father, mother, sibling, grandparent, son, or daughter- are unable to do so because it is forbidden. 

Burying of personal items has been made illegal, but is one more measure put in place to prevent the virus from spreading.

The best Cerato can do is drive the coffin to a church to have a priest to perform a blessing. This is usually done in seconds, and the coffin is not even removed from the car. In most cases, the body is buried in complete silence [1].

Read: Italian coronavirus patient, 79, recovers after taking Ebola drug

Coffins Piling Up Around the Country

Brother Marco Bergamelli, one of the priests at the Church of All Saints in Bergamo, says that one body takes an hour to cremate. With hundreds of people dying each day, the church is completely overwhelmed.

“Unfortunately, we don’t know where to put them,” he said. “It takes time and the dead are many.” [3]

One local newspaper in Bergamo, L’Eco di Bergamo, usually has one page of death notices but is now sometimes ten pages long. Alberto Ceresoli, who edits the paper, explained how traumatic this has been for everyone.

Watch as this Italian man flips through the obituaries of his local paper from before and after the coronavirus pic.twitter.com/nwrr5uQLxJ

— NowThis (@nowthisnews) March 14, 2020

“These are people who die alone and who are buried alone. They didn’t have someone hold their hand and the funerals have to be tiny, with a quick prayer from the priest. Many of the close relatives are in quarantine.” [3]

The virus has also caught the mortuary industry by surprise, and like many of the hospitals throughout the country, they do not have a sufficient amount of protective equipment for undertakers.

“We have to consider them in the way we would treat infectious individuals, and take the same care,” said Alessandro Bosi, secretary of the National Federation of Funeral Homes [3].

Read: The Workers Who Face the Greatest Coronavirus Risk

Saying Goodbye During the Coronavirus Pandemic

Not only have families of coronavirus victims been unable to properly mourn the passing of their loved one, but mandatory quarantines have made it impossible to sit with them during the final moments of their lives.

Doctors and hospital staff around the globe have resorted to using videolinks and iPads to allow quarantined families to say their last goodbyes to their loved ones who are in hospital. Families around the globe are being forced to watch their loved ones being taken off ventilators through a screen, unable to hold them as they take their final breaths.

One hospital worker spoke about how heartbreaking it is for patients to live their last moments without their families around them, but allowing families to be there virtually is the least they can do.

“Not everybody can see or handle these things but giving that option to everybody is something we can do to perhaps make the pain go away. We know there are many more to come,” she said [4].

Dr. Rachel Clarke, a palliative care specialist, explained that the pandemic was fundamentally changing the experience of dying.

“Ordinarily, a crucial component of good palliative care is close, intimate, tender support of a patient at their bedside. The power of human touch, human presence, cannot be overestimated in conveying compassion, care and tenderness.” [4]

Rachel Power, chief executive of the Patients Association, said that while having remote contact with loved ones before they pass is not ideal, it is better than no contact at all and that it provides families of dying patients with reassurance that the hospital staff are doing everything they can to provide care for their loved one at the end of their life [4].

Read: Almost half of coronavirus patients have digestive symptoms, study finds

Funerals are Postponed, if they Happen At All

There is a similar trend occurring in the United States. In many states, funerals and graveside services have been discontinued completely, while in others, family members have to decide who gets to attend the burial, since only a couple people are allowed to be present.

Terry Harmon, the owner of Chapman Funeral Home in Orange, California, said that typically they just take the deceased up to the grave and bury them with very little, if any, ceremony, since only one clergy and one relative are permitted to be present.

This is affecting not only families of coronavirus victims, but families whose loved ones passed away from other causes as well.

David Cerqua’s brother, Dennis, passed away from cancer recently, and not even his own children were able to attend the burial. Cerqua described the situation as heartbreaking, but he understands [5].

Many families across the U.S. have made the decision to postpone funerals to a later date, but it is unknown when those will be able to take place. Other funeral homes across the country have come up with different solutions, such as allowing mourners to sign online guestbooks, and watch proceedings through a live video stream.

Others have adopted a “drive-thru” funeral model, which allows families to see the casket or urn and pay their respects from their cars.

For many, not being able to be with their friends and family members who are mourning the loss of a loved one for support is extremely difficult. Jill Wine-Banks, who lives in Chicago, along with a group of friends organized a meal delivery to a friend whose husband had recently passed.

“It’s terrible when you need a community that you cannot have a community,” she said. “I’m talking to my friend every day. That’s not the same thing as giving her a hug.” [5]

#Andratuttobene

The hashtag, meaning “everything is going to be ok” has been trending in Italy, but at the moment the end seems to be far in the distance. Work by people like undertakers Mancastroppa and Cerato often go unthanked, but they are doing their best to support their country in the only way they can.

“Many people see us as merely transporters of souls,” said Mancastroppa, “But I can assure you that all we want is to give dignity to the dead.” [1]

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