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Other people’s clutter can be triggering. A messy kitchen, an overstuffed living room, or a chaotic basement often stirs up anxiety, judgment, and a strong desire to fix what’s “wrong.”
It’s that time of year again. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been spending a lot more time in other people’s spaces (ahem, other people’s cluttered spaces).
While minimalism is the art of addition through subtraction, minimizing other people’s things is not the answer (that’s called theft).
Instead, I’ve found it’s important to shift the focus away from controlling environments we don’t own and toward understanding our relationship with discomfort, expectations, and boundaries.
Here’s how…
When I’m steeped in someone else’s cluttered home, I remind myself:
I cannot control other people’s spaces, but I am responsible for how I respond to them.
Clutter itself isn’t inherently a problem; it becomes one when it conflicts with our expectations or affects our well-being. That tension is often internal, not external. Recognizing this helps us move from blame to respect.
There is also a role for empathy and restraint here. Attempting to fix or critique someone else’s clutter—especially without invitation—can feel invasive and often damages the relationship.
As an alternative, get curious. Ask yourself three questions:
Why does this bother me?How might this clutter be a mirror for my own habits?What story am I telling myself about what this clutter means?
The answers to these questions can help you understand that people have different thresholds, emotional attachments, and coping mechanisms. This level of awareness allows for compassion rather than criticism.
However…
That doesn’t mean you have to be silent if a space is traumatizing or unsafe. You can express your needs without judgment. Here are five examples:
“I get distracted when the space is crowded, and it affects my ability to focus.”“I know we experience space differently, and I’ve noticed I feel overwhelmed when there’s a lot out—I just wanted to share that gently.”“I really respect how you use your space, and at the same time I notice my nervous system gets overloaded when there’s a lot of visual clutter.”“I’m not asking you to change who you are—I just want to let you know that busy spaces can be hard for me emotionally.”“I feel safe talking to you about this because we’re close—when things pile up, my stress level rises, and I’d love to figure out something together.”
(That last one is particularly useful if you live with the person.)
When handled delicately, these conversations can create space for collaboration instead of defensiveness. Equally important is modeling intentional behavior—living the values you care about without trying to impose them on others.
Of course, most of the time, you don’t have to say anything at all. Most cluttered spaces aren’t really a problem—they simply clash with our own sensibilities. In those cases, it’s best to let to go (without out letting go of their stuff).
Ultimately, dealing with other people’s cluttered spaces is less about organizing rooms and more about practicing patience, love, and respect—for others and for ourselves.
To dive deeper into this topic, The Minimalists just published a video, How to Deal with Other People’s Cluttered Spaces, where we discuss strategies for navigating cluttered spaces you don’t control.
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